In Another Life
by BlazedToker
Summary: Breaking up is never easy, but what if you were walking away from something that could never be? Something you wanted more than anything... Seth knows exactly how that feels.


**A/N: I would like to thank JasperLuver48 for not only pre-reading and beta-ing this o/s, but for also encouraging me to write it. I haven't posted anything on FFNet for a while due to lack of a beta. I can happily say I not only found one, but a great friend as well. Above all, I would like to thank the one guy that inspired this; it is because of him that I felt inspired to write again. I won't blab on and on, it shall continue after the latter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with Twilight. All praise goes to S. Meyer; all I do is use her characters to portray my own creativity.**

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><p>In Another Life<p>

Seth POV

I never knew that breaking up with someone could be this hard. With the utmost pain in my heart, I find myself pacing on top of a hill that overlooks the valley where he is getting ready. I'm sure he has a huge smile upon his face, excited about the wedding that is only mere minutes away from starting. The smell of flowers and roses waft through the air as a cool spring breeze blows by and I close my eyes. I can almost smell his scent… almost. But even if it isn't his exact smell that is dancing in the wind, I can't help but imagine that it is. After all, it is a smell that I have grown accustomed to in the short amount of time that we knew each other. I guess you can say that i fell hard for him, scratch that. You can say that i fell hard for him. Which is why what I'm about to do not only saddens me beyond comprehension, it also kills me.

I pace behind a tree, the nerves in my body have only worsened since this morning. The beautiful sound of the orchestra can now be heard amongst the clatter of murmurs from the guest as they seat themselves. They're playing Pachelbel Canon in D major if I am correct. The sound lulls me to a few months back, when we first met, and I try to fight the upcoming memory. I knew that if I waited too long I would not only lose my guts, but also my chance at doing it. Yet, I can't stop the memories that flood my mind. I could try to fight them back if I really wanted to, I've done it before, but the fact is I don't want to stop them. Sitting down behind the tree, I close my eyes and welcome the memories that will only carve themselves deeper into my heart and soul afterward. To be completely honest, I really don't care because after today I won't allow myself to dwell on these memories anymore. At least, I will try not to do it often.

It was about eight months ago, give or take a week or two.

"Seth!" my mother called my name as I rushed down the stairs and out the door before she finished telling me that my ride has arrived. I had gotten a job at Fork's one and only Veterinarian Clinic. Having recently been certified as a Vet Tech, instantly acquiring a job in a town as small as Forks was nothing short of a miracle and one I was grateful for. When I ran out the door, I greeted Jacob with a smile as he ruffled my hair.

"Excited about your new job kiddo?" he asked with a smile on his face.

I can't remember a time when Jacob wasn't smiling. He hadn't had the most luck growing up with his mother passing away after giving birth to him. He always felt that his father and sisters blamed him for his mother's death and often treated him like an outsider, though he never let that bring him down. He matured into a happy-go-lucky man and found himself a woman who was worthy of him.

"I'm kind of nervous, actually," I told him with a nervous laugh.

"Don't worry," he replied as he started his car and gently pushed on the accelerator.

Don't worry? Ha!

I really can't remember a lot about my first day on the job except, of course, Dr. Cullen.

It was very hard to adjust to my new work environment with it being the night shift. The other two doctors welcomed me with open arms, excited at the chance to have someone knew among them. But they weren't the reason that brought a bittersweet joy into my life; that culprit, of course, was Dr. Cullen.

I really can't explain how it happened, when exactly the first moment that I fell in love with him was, but one thing was for sure. I loved him and still do.

Whenever we had slow night you could always find us together, laughing our heads off in the back of the huge storage closet. He had such a beautiful smile. While it might not have had the most dashing of smiles to others, to me the small and subtle crookedness of a tooth or two was beautiful. I loved the way his hair was cropped short, the way a missing nose piece from his eye glasses was replaced with the sticky end of a Band-Aid and his laughter, god how I loved his laughter, the sound of his voice. I craved the feeling of his skin beneath my fingers whenever he'd ask me to massage his back. I adored the scent of his skin; it had a manly warmness to it and had engraved itself to my senses. If I were to forget everything when I grow old and senile and I only remember one thing, I am one hundred percent sure it would be him.

I felt at ease with him. We could be ourselves and joke around without ever getting angry at each other. How could I not fall in love with him?

Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be for us. It was during one of our late night conversations that he told me about her—the woman of his dreams. She was everything he had ever wanted in a woman and though it killed me to hear him talk about her, I also couldn't have been happier for him. He was what every woman could want in a man. He would tell me again and again about her and the things she would tell him. Dr. Cullen was a man that listened to his woman and would talk with excitement and interest about what she would do. He also spoiled her with attention daily. He liked to cook for her, buy her flowers, and clean the house so that she wouldn't have to, with the exception of the bathroom.

"I have to draw the line somewhere," I remember him telling me as he laughed. God I loved how the corner of his eyes would wrinkle whenever he'd laugh. If he had somehow figured out that I was in love with him he certainly didn't show it and for that I was thankful.

I open my eyes again not daring to dive any deeper into my memories—a man can only take so much pain at once.

From below I can hear the wedding march begin. I didn't have to look into his face to know that he had a huge smile upon it. This was the happiest day of his life after all.

Running down the hill was easy and I only lost my balance once. I have just enough time to stick the letter into his coat pocket and get out.

From outside the tent, just a couple of yards away, I can hear his voice, rough with sentiment as he pours his heart out to the luckiest girl in the world.

"Come on, Seth, you can do this," I encourage myself to move forward and hold back the tears that are threatening to come out. I have shed many tears since he invited me to the wedding and informed me that he would be moving to New York City so that his wife could be closer to her family. He has a job waiting for him and everything.

Did I mention that she is the luckiest woman in the entire world?

It doesn't take long for me to spot his coat. I know exactly which one is his since he wears it to work every single day. I hold back a smile thinking that even at an event as this he still remains true to himself. A simple, laid back man not pretending to be something he's not, not even to impress his soon-to-be wife's cosmopolitan family.

With the heaviest of hearts, I place the letter in the inner pocket of his coat, where I find a little bottle of hand sanitizer. I don't dare bring back the memories that the little bottle threatens to. All I allow myself is to remember a funny conversation that we had about poo-poo parasites.

I wasn't afraid of his wife finding the letter. Knowing him and his 'never use the toilets inside a plane or bus' rule, I knew that he would use the bathroom at the airport before climbing aboard the plane that would take him and his soon-to-be wife away…

"I do."

"I do."

Correction, take him and his new wife, toward their honeymoon destination. I have to hurry now; I'm running out of time. He can't see me because he thinks the reason I wasn't able to attend his wedding was due to a family emergency in Seattle.

After I place the letter inside his pocket, I rush out of the tent just in time. Laughter rings through the air as I listen to them rejoice at finally becoming man and wife in front of God and their family and friends. Amongst their words of affection, I hear the phrase that pushes me forward and up the hill. "I wish Seth could have been here."

Were it for me, I would have ran inside and wrapped my arms around him, like we usually did whenever we wanted to give the guys at work something to gossip about. I know I can't though. He isn't mine to hold, to love; he never was.

I don't dare look back as I walk away from him, knowing that I will never see him again.

-~~*^v^*~~-

It's late in the evening now—about 11:30, which is when our shift should be starting. He should be reading my letter about now. His flight doesn't take off for another hour or so and I haven't been able to sleep since I walked away from the ceremony. Visions of him swim through my mind causing traitorous tears to stream down my face. I close my eyes, imagining him reading the letter that I have memorized word by word. Wiping away my tears, I whisper the words to myself.

_Eleazar,_

_I can't begin to express how happy I am for you. I bet you might be wondering how this letter came to appear inside your pocket. Before I explain, let me begin by saying that I'm sorry I lied to you. As you can plainly see, there was no family emergency; I've been in town the whole time. Please don't be angry with me for not coming to your wedding. Believe me, I wanted to go, I really, really did. I just didn't have the strength to; you have to see that I'm in love with you. Please don't hate me for it, though I wouldn't blame you if you did. I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me, how much you have altered my life in the short amount of time that we've known each other. Before I met you, I was a cynic when it came to matters of love. I suppose it has to do with my father leaving my mother for another woman. I won't bore you with the story, I've told you before. _

_The mere fact that you exist is proof enough that true love does exist. I really can't even begin to explain how much I love you. It certainly doesn't make any sense. You are by far one of the most stubborn human beings that I've ever met, apart from myself. You are a man, as am I. I can't explain why it's you and I don't intend to try. I just hope you can understand why I couldn't attend your wedding tonight. It would've been too painful to watch her take hold of your hands, the hands that I have longed to hold in my own from the very moment that we met. _

_I couldn't stand to see you look into her shimmering eyes and see everything that you have been looking for your entire life, when she in turn will be looking into the eyes of the one man that was made for me. You are it for me, Eleazar; I know it. I don't wish to put a damper on your wedding night, believe me I don't. I feel ridiculous as I write this down, not knowing if your skin is curling at the thought of me and you together. Were the world mine, it would be our honeymoon flight that you and Carmen are soon to be embarking. You would be in the bathroom, squeezing a glob of sanitizer on your hand after exiting the bathroom for fear of the poo-poo parasites that might be on the door handle. Were the world mine, it would be our wedding night that we would celebrate as soon as we arrived at the hotel._

_I don't plan on seeing you again, since you will be heading to NYC instead of Forks after your honeymoon. I can't imagine not hearing the sound of your laughter as the result of one of my many bad jokes or not feeling your arms around me whenever we played along with the jabs that Quil and Garrett throw at us for constantly spending time together. I can't stand to think about not having our late-into-the-night conversations. But most of all, I can't imagine not seeing you every day. You are the reason I believe in love again, Eleazar. Seeing how you are with Carmen only certifies what I have come to learn since I met you, not all guys are assholes. A fair few are rather decent, though I doubt anyone can measure up to you. _

_I can't say I'll get over you, because I know I never will. Nor, do I doubt that I will, by some miracle, meet someone in the future to love. What I can say, however, and I say it with the upmost honesty, is that I will never love him as much as I love you. You don't only hold her heart in your hands, you hold mine as well. _

_Were the world mine, you and I would grow old together. I can't help but laugh as I imagine you looking for your dentures or complaining about those darn kids and the racket that they call music. Were the world mine, we would hold each other, already withered and frail with age, and die together in each other's arms. Perhaps this could be so, in another life. I love you and wish you the very best in your future. _

_-Forever yours_

_Seth Clearwater_

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><p>End Note: Yes, there is an Eleazar in my life and I love him dearly; I won't add his name here but his initials will do… F.M. Closing my eyes as I write this, I can't help but remember that he had his arms around me just a couple of hours ago; I can still smell his scent. This story is dedicated to you. I wish you lots of luck in your upcoming wedding. I will be sitting front row, supporting you with a smile on my face. For nothing can bring me greater joy than seeing that beautiful smile spread across your face as all your dreams come true.<p>

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